lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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