Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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