you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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