Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
