Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
