and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
