You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize