She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
