I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
