I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There r osticjed everywhere
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
