Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize