Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
