I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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