last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize