Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
