after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
