i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
