My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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