So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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