I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
