Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
