The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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