There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
