One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
