but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
