I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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