Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
