Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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