Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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