there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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