Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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