Swine flu. Run for my life!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
