look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
