Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
