if you like me you must not know who I am
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
