I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
