Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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