I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
