So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
