going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
