he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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