She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
