Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
