so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a search helicopter?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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