I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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