Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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