I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
