3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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