She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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