Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
