You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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