Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
