She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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