This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
