im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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