it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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