so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
