tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
