I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
