She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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