How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
