grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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