you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
