A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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