Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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