My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
