break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
