im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
