Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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