I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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