Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
