I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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