hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
