i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
