I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
