i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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