WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
