Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Still dying that you shit outside
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
