Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
