If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
