can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
