three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
