i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
