tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
