Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
