i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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