the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
