On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
