I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
