I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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