Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
