just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
