If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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